And I hope that you listen
All I’m trying to say is

Reach out and touch me
I’m right here
And I don’t want to fight anymore
I really wanna be your friend forever
Friends until the end of it all

I know I’ve made mistakes
But I’m asking you give me a break
I really wanna be your friend forever
Friends forever

Seriously, it’s tiring. I don’t want to worry about losing a friend. Especially if it’s you.

Hey Al, you’re an asshole.

The Idyllist – Your Gonna Break My Heart Someday

It’s only two months into 2010 and it feels like months has pass. School and stuff have been really tiring lately. I just cannot wait until some sort of break right now. Can’t wait until I just graduate from high school and go out into the world.

The last few days felt like the busiest days of 2010 for me.  I’m not as productive as I want to be, but I did do a lot of things that needs to happen.  Finding time for myself really.  I’ve been putting a bunch of  school work off just to find some time to be introspective; review the things I’ve been doing.  It’s only a few weeks into 2010, and it felt like months already.  Also, I’ve did some podcast catching up to do that I’ve put off for a week or two now.  It’s not too bad, as long as I can just jump back on to my school work things should be fine.  There are some classes that I just don’t give a **** about now and can’t wait until the school year is over.

I’ve decided to get myself a guitar. Found a decent deal. A beginner package, but a used guitar. Since it’s a used guitar, the whole cost of the package dropped a bit. So the guitar is supposed to be barely used and a faint scratched around the hole. Free shipping makes it all worth it. $70 something, $80 for a used beginning package; with bags, extra strings, picks, etc. Seems worth it to me.

Lee and Willbee – Love’s Not Worth It

If any of the names of the following persons are real, then it is a pure coincidence. I changed the person’s name to something that protect them.  Unless I said so, all the names are changed.

A note has been indirectly addressed to me from Josephine.  (If you don’t know the situation, refer back to Heart Ache entry.) I can tell whom she is referring to, and I’m one of them.  Even those the note is short, it gets straight to the point. Just to clarify things up, I truly respect all her decisions.  I trust and believe her: all her words and actions.

I must admit that I do, or actually did, like/lust/love her more then just a good friend at one point.  It has all changed now; I like her as a good friend and I love her as a sister.  I care about her like a brother would to a sister.  I do not expect to treated anything beyond a brother.  I also admit that I’m a truly reckless with my emotions lately. I get angry really easily nowadays, while feeling sad at the same time.  Although I’m legally an adult, I know that I’m still a teen/young adult.

I’ve always been told that I’m more mature then most of my peers.  So I don’t really see where Josephine’s standards are for maturity, since she has called me immature.  So, I need to stop making everything like a soap opera (or in a more common term I hear most people around me use: drama).  But first off, I don’t watch those stuff; I don’t have time for those stuff and even if I do have free time, I prefer to do something else.  If it’s because of “unrequited love”, then I don’t see how ‘immature’ that is.  There are plenty of people out there that have “unrequited love”, adults with jobs and lives and a good moral standard but also have an “unrequited love”,so does that mean all those people are immature as well?   Perhaps it might be fact that I care about all my friends without really expecting anything for return as immature.  Really, I don’t really expect anything physical in return from my friends.  I just care about each and every one of them.  Yes, I admit, there are some that I care able more than others.  The only thing that I expect them to actually return to me is be a friend.  I am not a “crazy dominating, controlling” person.  I do not expect people to be punished if it does not go the way I want.  I rarely expect things to go my way most of the time.

What exactly is “unrequited love”.  What exactly is love?  There are more then one type of love.  There is a difference between loving your family and loving your friends, and loving that “special” someone and loving your enemy/person you dislike.  If love means caring for someone in an excess way, then yes you can “love” your enemy/people you dislike in a form of hate.  And if loving means caring, then yes, I do put love first in my life.  I love all my family and friends; I “love” my enemy/people I dislike; I’ve thought I had found that “special” someone whom I can give love to, but each time, I see them as part of my family and/or friends.

I leave these out as public for a purpose.  If I truly needed to keep all these private, I would do so, or simply write it in a journal.  Maybe I am immature for staying up to 3 in the morning typing this out.  </3

How are these even considered stalker-like?:

-Ask a friend for his/her birthday.
-Ask a friend for his/her shoes size because you’re planning to get him/her a shoe for birthday/Christmas.
-Ask a friend for his/her address.
-Ask a friend for his/her telephone number.
-Ask a friend what size s/he wear (similar reason for the shoes).
-Tell someone you like that you will take care of them forever.

I don’t understand how can these things be considered stalker like.

Edit Jan. 18 2010: Maybe the last one, but seriously?

Sean Hayes – Flowering Spades